Humble Pie

"Less likely to see print is writing that honors our imperfections and chips away at the walls we've constructed between ourselves and others; that reminds us that what we value most is not for sale; that acknowledges the inevitable fact of suffering and the surprising ways it sometimes enriches us." --Krista Bremer, Associate Publisher of The Sun magazine

My favorite thing about this quote is where it came from. This quote is from a direct mail letter that I received yesterday from The Sun magazine, a magazine so amazingly cool that their junk mail is quotable. If you have never read The Sun I highly recommend it. It is full of writing that, "...honors our imperfections and chips away at the walls we've constructed between ourselves and others...that acknowledges the inevitable fact of suffering and the surprising ways it sometimes enriches us."

I hope this post will be as well. 

Coming on the heels of my post about peace on Monday, this one will be heavy with irony. Even as it was being automatically posted by the wonder that is blogger, I was lying on the couch, foot up on a block of ice, nursing an aching heel that came from a decidedly UN-peaceful moment. 

Every Sunday night we have a family meeting. This week was "hammer mom week." It was an official agenda item: Chop Off Mom's Head. 

The reason? I have been proposing for months, and finally insisted upon at this meeting, a one-week ban on screen time. ALL screen time. For ALL of us. (Okay, not email and word processing and blogging and anything that could reasonably be considered "work," but everything else...)

It did not go over well. 

There was shouting. There were tears. There was a 45-minute rant about what a horrible mother I am. And at the end of that, there was a threat to run away, out into the dark of the night without so much as a sweatshirt. 

I refused to allow it, which upped the ante and made it even more attractive. And then my husband threw in his two cents. And agreed. With the kid. 

Oooooh, was I mad. MAD mad. Stomping mad you might say. 

So mad in fact that I stomped my foot, repeatedly, on our newly uncovered hard wood (oak, not fir) floors and bruised (hopefully not broke) my heel. Badly. 

So badly that when I tried to walk I found myself in great pain. So badly that I had to sit down. For the next three days (and counting....). 

I also "spiked the cheese," - threw a block of cheddar cheese on the ground like a football player celebrating in the end zone - not once, but twice. My kids will be happy to tell you ALL about it. Mom spiking the cheese has already gone down in the history of our family as one of the funniest things that has ever happened, EVER. (For the record, the cheese was wrapped in plastic and survived to be eaten once again.)

And that's not even the worst part. 

The worst part is. I was wrong. Let me say that again. I was WRONG. 

My son "ran away." He ran one lap around the block in the dark with no shoes and no jacket and came back in less than 60 seconds, breathless and completely over it. He came into the bedroom where I sat reading to my other son, sat directly across from me and said, "That was kind of scary." Then he snuggled in and started reading with us. He hasn't complained about the screen time ban since. 

So, a bruised ego to go with my bruised (hopefully not broken) heel. 

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My favorite part about this story has been the reactions of others as I have told it. I decided pretty early on not to lie or make up a story about what had happened (there really aren't a whole lot of options when it's the bottom of your heel that is injured, it's kind of a hard part of your body to hurt), but to tell the truth. 

And in this case the truth has been a way to honor my own imperfections and chip away at the walls I've constructed between myself and those around me. 

When I told my neighbor what had happened the look on his face was one of relief, as if to say, "Oh thank God, it's not just us." When I told a group of moms, they laughed and one shared a story from her childhood about the way her parents used to fight. When I told a friend she admitted that a story she had previously told me was not the whole truth and that her anger had in fact led to that incident and not an accident as she had led everyone to believe.

Sharing my story of anger and pain, of suffering and humanity, has indeed enriched my relationships in surprising ways. And that seems worth a few days on the couch.

We are all in this together

"We are all in it together. The river of stones, and the river of life. We can encourage each other....We can take comfort in the knowledge that every single [person] ever has had terrible doubts about what they're doing. We can learn how to encourage ourselves, and get better at this as we go along. We can eat chocolate. We'll be JUST fine." 

--Fiona Robyn, writer and midwife of the river of stones

This reminds me of one of the first blog entries I ever wrote and it reminded me of this truth: WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.

After I read this quote I walked around looking at each person I saw and thinking, "We are in this together." 

Sometimes it was easy to see - my husband and my sons. Sometimes difficult - the annoying person in front of me who can't drive, the homeless man who wants money from me and whose gaze I am tempted to avoid.

But there is no one walking this earth who can be exempted from this togetherness. And when I remember to drop into my heart I can do this.

Participating in the River of Stones project this past month has been great practice in living this truth. As I went about my day, searching for small stones, I knew that there were hundreds of other writers around the world doing the same thing and I felt that we were all connected. We were all searching for the same thing and in that we were supporting each other, encouraging each other and blessing each other in our efforts.

It's the same with those we live with, work with, meet in the grocery store, or just pass by on the street. WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. The River of Life. So why not encourage someone today? Support someone today? Bless someone today?

It can be big or small. It can be a huge favor or a tiny piece of chocolate. It can be a gift, a glance, a smile, a ride. Whatever you can do today, do it. However you can live this truth today, live it. WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.

Three Women

"You can do much...if in a situation calling for help, you think of it this way: I am only here to be truly helpful. I am here to represent Him who sent me. I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because He... will direct me. I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me. I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal."   

--A Course in Miracles

Recently I had interactions with three women which healed me, inspired me and helped me on my spiritual journey. Here are their stories:

(All names have been changed to protect the individual's privacy...) 

MERRY: A couple of weeks ago I made a mistake at work. I deposited a check into the wrong member's account. Doh! 

In my defense, this member's name was just one tiny letter different from another member's name and this one letter made the spelling of her name a bit unconventional. Nonetheless, it was a mistake. 

The member, who I'll call Merry, called our Member Service Center to let us know about the mistake and they called me to make the correction. Turns out the very same thing had happened to this member two weeks earlier, also at our branch. Double doh!

I made the correction and picked up the phone to call the member. 

As I did I reflected on how this might go.....I know that these kinds of mistakes (mistakes with our money, our livelihood) can hit people hard and bring up a lot of fear. Having it happen twice in two weeks is bound to make a person scared. So I was prepared. 

I was prepared for frustration. I was prepared for anger. I was even prepared for yelling. What I wasn't prepared for was Merry.

"Oh don't worry honey, it happens all the time!" she laughed. "Even my doctor can't get it straight." (Insert "surgery gone wrong" joke here.) 

We chatted for a few more moments, I apologized again and we hung up. 

In the end it was no big deal, but this conversation has stuck with me. It is a reminder to me that I always have a choice. I can choose to REACT from a place of fear or to RESPOND from a place of love. Merry chose love and I am ever grateful. 

JOY: About a year ago Joy came into the branch to use her new bank account. She had just moved to Seattle and was about to start her residency at a local hospital. From the first moment she came in she was a favorite. She just had a bubbly, friendly energy about her that endeared her to all of us immediately. 

About a month later Joy came in again. It was really slow so she was talking to all of us who were in that day as she made her deposit. 

We asked her how things were going and she told us that she had quit her residency. It turned out that she hated being a doctor and she didn't want to spend the rest of her life doing something she hated, despite the fact that she had trained for years to do this very thing. 

It was a pivotal moment in her life and she shared it with all of us working that day - openly, honestly and, yes, joyfully. She was truly happy and free as she told us about quitting a job she had worked a third of her life to get. 

Over the next ten months or so we saw Joy every couple of weeks.

She was looking for work. She sold her car. She moved in with a friend. She sold her furniture. 

Through it all I never once heard her express doubt or regret about the decision she had made. She never went back on herself with "shoulds" or "if onlys." She stayed the course. Waiting. Hoping. Searching. 

Last weekend Joy came into the branch for the last time. She was in a hurry. The rental car was in the garage. She was just going to drop some checks in the ATM and then be on her way. But that didn't feel right. So she came in. 

She came in to tell us that she was moving out of state to take her dream job with a company that does talks and retreats with some of the biggest spiritual luminaries of our time.

As she told us about her new job she was full of JOY and I was so happy for her. But also for myself. For all of us. Because she is living proof that if you follow your bliss, follow your guidance - even if the road you take to get there might seem crazy to the outside world - you will end up where you were meant to be all along.

RUBY: Last night I drove my son to Toys R Us to get some Pokemon cards. Pokemon is very big in his world right now and he just really NEEDED some new cards last night. So at 8:30 pm we jumped in the car and headed out. 

As pulled out of the parking lot, I got the feeling that someone needed my help. I had no idea who or what was needed, I just had a feeling. 

I turned onto the street adjacent to the mall and there I saw a man yelling at a woman on the street. She crossed over and he followed her, yelling. She crossed over again and he followed her, yelling at her some more. She headed toward a nearby bus stop, but when she got there he started toward her, yelling. 

I wasn't in a good position to turn around - at a busy four-way stop with a green light - so I zoomed through the light, turned around and waited at the now red light to be able to get back to the bus stop. 

Watching as I waited I saw her once again trying to cross the street to get away from him. Looking both ways I ran the red light and pulled up next to her, rolling down my window and asking, "Do you need a ride?" 

She gave me a quick once over, saw my son in the backseat and jumped in. As we sped away he yelled profanities after us. 

We exchanged the basics: Where are you going? What's your name? 

Then moved onto the obvious: She knew him. It was a mess.   

Then to what we had in common: We both had 9 year-old sons. We both had kids into Pokemon. We both kind of liked to play ourselves. 

After that we rode in silence for awhile as I drove her to her mom's house. 

I don't know how to explain it, but I just feel so grateful that I was able to be there for her in that moment. I feel like she was there for me as much as I was there for her.

As we drove to her mother's together, I could really feel the oneness of all mankind. Even as we talked about him I didn't feel judgmental or angry. I could feel his pain and fear as clearly as I could feel hers. 

It was like I could see deeper into a part of the human experience - what we do to each other in the heat of the moment, in the midst of pain and sorrow and fear. 

It was life and I was glad to be a part of it.

1000

"We are finally at a place of fully expressing our divinity in a way that expires our old (clearing) contracts and deeply embedded programming that we are here to 'save the world.' There is no saving or service required any longer...we are simply here now to share the part of ourselves that will, by default, uplift others. The shift is important here because when [we] work from a place of 'saving,' we are holding onto the very paradigm that we are now breaking free from.” 

--Lauren C. Gorgo from her blog Conscious Co-Creation Coaching

This blog post preempts a previously scheduled post, but when I read this quote this morning I just knew this was what I wanted to post today.  

(On a side note, you may have noticed that there is no blog post for Wednesday this week. There was, but it disappeared. Not even kidding. I wrote it. I posted it. I even viewed it, but when I came back to the blog today, it was gone. I am going to take this as a sign from The Universe that this particular post was not meant to be. A small anomaly that points to a larger purpose, whatever that may be....)

The world is changing and we are changing with it. These changes are not always comfortable and do not always make sense to our three-dimensional selves, but they are happening nonetheless.  

The great news is that this new way of being in the world means more love and more freedom for all of us. The chance to just BE who we are at the deepest level and to know that that is enough, that that is perfect, that that is all that is asked of us. 

If you are interested in reading more about this shift, click here to read Lauren's full blog post.  

This quote at first may seem like it is advocating greater selfishness, narcissism and isolationism, but rather than a complete disconnect from the altruism and service model of spirituality, I think of it as a subtle shift from SAVING to SHARING. 

It's not that we are not here to help each other out, but that we are not here to SAVE anyone. It is no longer a top down model, but a Oneness model. 

Each of us brings a certain special energy into this world and our job here on Earth is to express that energy to the best of our ability. In that way we share with each other and benefit the whole. We do not sacrifice ourselves for others nor do we ask that they do so for us, but we mutually support each other in becoming the highest expression of ourselves that is possible for the benefit of all. 

What is your highest expression and how are you expressing it?

An example of this for me this week was going to yoga yesterday and being seated next to the most flexible woman i have ever seen. She could pull her foot up and over behind her back and practically touch her head while standing on one foot. Damn her!

I spent a good deal of the time in class trying not to look at her version of each posture, while secretly looking at her version of the posture and hating her for it. 

Finally I realized that she is just expressing who she is. She is VERY FLEXIBLE. It's like her super-power. And her expression of this VERY FLEXIBLE energy makes room in the world for those of us who are less flexible. She is being flexibility so I don't have to be. So I can be my highest expression, whatever that may be (I am still working on discovering my super-power...).

So I paused and thanked her for that and then returned to my own eyes in the mirror. 

That's not to say that I didn't "pop out" of this place of love and appreciation from time to time when my postures couldn't help but not measure up to hers in some part of my comparing mind, but I always tried to return to that place of love and appreciation as soon as I could. 

Her being who she is allows me to be who I am. You being who you are allows me to be who I am. Anyone being the highest expression of themselves benefits all of us. And anyone sacrificing who they are to save someone else diminishes not only the person being "saved," but all of us. 

On a personal note, this quote has the distinct honor of being the 1000th quote that I have recorded. It feels like kind of a milestone and yet, like I still have a long ways to go and many more wise words to absorb. So thanks to all of the writers, teachers and fellow humans who have inspired me thus far. You rock!

My Dearest Friends

"I will recognize in everyone my dearest friend." 

--Unknown

I have been feeling kind of lonely lately. 

There are a lot of people in my life, from various facets of my life, who I appreciate and enjoy spending time with and love, but it seems that they are all scattered right now. 

With so many of my friends, our paths don't seem to cross every day, or even every week. There are very few people (aside from my husband and my boys) who I see and interact with every day. 

I guess this is just a fact of modern life. We are all involved in so many things that we are constantly ebbing and flowing in and out of each others' lives. 

While pondering this new reality (up until last year when I went back to work there were other parents I was hanging out with pretty much every day), I heard the words "love everyone," and remembered this quote.  I think I might try it.

Instead of looking around and hoping to see a friend, why not see who appears in front of me today and meet that person as a friend?

WWBD (What Would Buddha Do?)

"A philosopher was asked: 'What, then, is our duty?' And his answer, in short, was: 'It is what the day requires.'"

--From an article by Cheryl Christy, a breast cancer fighter for 17 years.

The other day I set out from home with a "to do" list six hours long and three hours in which to accomplish it. 

In addition this was supposed to have been a "writing day," and I was hoping to get home "early" and squeeze in a hour of writing before I had to go and pick the kids up from school.

Needless to say, things didn't work out quite as I had planned. 

Everywhere I went there were people who needed me: I ran into a friend of a friend who had just been laid off and needed a hug, I ran into a grocery store worker who just needed someone to talk to, and as I pulled up outside of my house, I ran into a neighbor who needed some sympathy. 

Each time I saw the person right before they saw me and thought to myself, "Ooh! There's so-and-so, they are probably going to want to talk. I don't really have time for that.....doh! They saw me."

At that moment I could feel my stomach lurch and my heart sink, knowing I was caught. 

But I also knew that "caught" was where I was supposed to be. 

It's all very well for me to sit here with my laptop, typing about Oneness and Unity and Love; it's quite another having to put it into practice in the world. 

What do you do when the day doesn't go as planned? When what is required is talking to someone in pain when you don't have the time? Staying home with a sick child when all you want to do is get some work done? 

What I used to do is get angry and rail against whatever - or whomever - it was that got in my way. Sometimes an interrupted plan could cost me a whole day of anger and frustration. Sometimes I would get so angry I'd feel like I had an anger "hangover" the next day. 

Now it's just uncomfortable. My chest gets tight, my stomach feels queasy, my breathing quickens and I know I need to take a step back, take a deep breath and remember that my meditation practice and my reading and my writing don't mean a thing if I turn my back on a person standing in front of me with pain in their heart. 

Sometimes what the day requires is putting aside my "to do" list for the one God has written for me. I imagine it would go something like this:

Love Your Children

Love Your Husband

Love Your Friends

Love Your Neighbors

Love Everyone

Then do the grocery shopping.

What to do when you don't know what to do....

“When someone you know is overwhelmed by life, confronted by obstacles that are a little too heavy to carry alone, it’s easy to feel unsure of how to respond. That’s the time to remember it’s not what you do, but that you do something.  Often, we don’t realize that what may seem like a small gesture or an insignificant act to us can actually make a meaningful difference in someone’s life....There are no perfect words, no perfect gestures.  Simply reach out and touch someone’s heart.  Be brave, be a little more generous, be kind.”

--From Gwyneth Paltrow's blog GOOP about the book Do Good: 201 Ways to Lend a Hand by Marcy Silverman and Cindy Sacks

I love this. It feels a little bit like an instruction manual for life, in one short paragraph. 

It really spoke to me because I do feel like that in the face of someone else's pain. Paralyzed. 

It's the same way I feel in the face of my own in fact. I just go flat and I have absolutely no idea what to do or what to say. 

I think this advice works equally well for others and for self when fear and pain and overwhelm come up: "...[I]t's not what you do, but that you do something....Be brave, be a little more generous, be kind."

  

And it feels like a good thing to keep in mind around this time of year when it can feel like there is just way too much to do and not nearly enough time to do it.

  

(BTW...This book is on sale right now at Amazon.com for $2.40. $2.40! For a book!) 

Changing the World

"When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. But it, too, seemed immovable. As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it. And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world."

--Inscribed on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop in Westminster Abby (1100 AD)

Reading this quote always makes me breathe a huge sigh of relief. 

I am introverted, easily overwhelmed, and need a good deal of rest and alone time just to deal with my life. I am always amazed at stories of people in my same situation (middle-class, middle-aged parents with elementary-aged children) who are adopting twelve children or organizing fund-raisers to build schools in Africa or traveling around the country raising awareness about some good cause when I can barely manage to spend one hour a week in my kids' classrooms helping their teachers. 

Sometimes I feel like the planet's laziest, most under-performing humanoid.

But I am working on my shit 24/7 these days. Ever since my "awakening" - aka the birth of my first child and the two years of sanity-destroying sleep deprivation and insomnia that followed - I am trying every moment to be the most present, grounded, and awake person I can be. 

Sometimes that ain't much. 

But some days it feels like I just might be sending out a wave of light and love big enough to spark a change in my family, my community, my country and maybe even the world.

"There are no accidents in salvation. Those who are to meet will meet, because together they have the potential for a holy relationship."

A Course in Miracles

There is no "I": there is only we. He is me and she is me. All is me.

The Universe

...as long as you continue to see others as separate from you, a feeling of hostility towards them cannot fail to prevail."

Swami Prajnanpad from Wisdom of the East: 2010 Mini Day-to-Day Calendar

"A teacher of God is anyone who choses to be one. His qualifications consist solely in this: somehow, somewhere he has made a deliberate choice in which he did not see his interests as apart from someone else's."

A Course in Miracles,  from the Manual for Teachers

"Our political leaders sometimes make us forget that all of us on this small planet are equally precious children of God."

Rick Steves, travel guru and author of Europe Through the Back Door 2010 as well as many other travel books

"What are we here for if not to give support to one another?"

Catie, Member Service Representative at Verity Credit Union

"Emanate love to all in your sphere without distinction or prejudice."

Sunyata Satchitananda

"What we learned as children, that one plus one equals two, we know to be false. One plus one equals one. We even have a word for when you plus another equals one. That word is LOVE."

"Life: Season Two," Series Finale.