WWBD (What Would Buddha Do?)

"A philosopher was asked: 'What, then, is our duty?' And his answer, in short, was: 'It is what the day requires.'"

--From an article by Cheryl Christy, a breast cancer fighter for 17 years.

The other day I set out from home with a "to do" list six hours long and three hours in which to accomplish it. 

In addition this was supposed to have been a "writing day," and I was hoping to get home "early" and squeeze in a hour of writing before I had to go and pick the kids up from school.

Needless to say, things didn't work out quite as I had planned. 

Everywhere I went there were people who needed me: I ran into a friend of a friend who had just been laid off and needed a hug, I ran into a grocery store worker who just needed someone to talk to, and as I pulled up outside of my house, I ran into a neighbor who needed some sympathy. 

Each time I saw the person right before they saw me and thought to myself, "Ooh! There's so-and-so, they are probably going to want to talk. I don't really have time for that.....doh! They saw me."

At that moment I could feel my stomach lurch and my heart sink, knowing I was caught. 

But I also knew that "caught" was where I was supposed to be. 

It's all very well for me to sit here with my laptop, typing about Oneness and Unity and Love; it's quite another having to put it into practice in the world. 

What do you do when the day doesn't go as planned? When what is required is talking to someone in pain when you don't have the time? Staying home with a sick child when all you want to do is get some work done? 

What I used to do is get angry and rail against whatever - or whomever - it was that got in my way. Sometimes an interrupted plan could cost me a whole day of anger and frustration. Sometimes I would get so angry I'd feel like I had an anger "hangover" the next day. 

Now it's just uncomfortable. My chest gets tight, my stomach feels queasy, my breathing quickens and I know I need to take a step back, take a deep breath and remember that my meditation practice and my reading and my writing don't mean a thing if I turn my back on a person standing in front of me with pain in their heart. 

Sometimes what the day requires is putting aside my "to do" list for the one God has written for me. I imagine it would go something like this:

Love Your Children

Love Your Husband

Love Your Friends

Love Your Neighbors

Love Everyone

Then do the grocery shopping.

...(W)hen you're living your everyday life, BE KIND. Your job isn't to correct others. Just help the Holy Spirit clean up YOUR wrong mind by switching to your right mind, and then leave the rest to Him.

Gary Renard from his book The Disappearance of the Universe: Straight Talk About Illusions, Past Lives, Religion, Sex, Politics, and the Miracles of Forgiveness

"Be kind. Be kind. Be kind."

Henry James

Gossip Girl

"Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it kind, is it necessary, is it true, does it improve on the silence?"

 Shirdi Sai Baba

I have a gossip hangover this morning.

You know the drill. A group of moms out together, drinking wine, talking, laughing. Then someone brings up "the one."

The one mom that everyone finds a little bit annoying, a little bit arrogant, a little bit....whatever. And let the stories begin. "She....You won't believe this....Well, last week...."

And then it was my turn.

The thing is, I don't really have a beef with this person. She does carry a certain energy that says, "Beware. Don't get too close or you'll get burned." And I do avoid her somewhat for that reason, but I've never had a really bad interaction with her. Nonetheless, I added my two cents (that's about all I had) when the time came.

And I felt okay about it at the time. I didn't say anything that wasn't true or was particularly character eviscerating, but still...

At 6:30 this morning I woke up with a headache, feeling sick to my stomach. (And, no, it wasn't the alcohol, I stopped at two drinks and sipped water the rest of the evening.)

I'd done it again. Descended into the pit of gossip.

Why did I do it?

1) I had a bad day at work yesterday and didn't have time in between to "process" by telling anyone about it.

2) I had two glasses of wine, not enough to make me drunk, but enough to make me a little "loose in the lips."

3) Old habits die hard.

I used to be a pro gossip, albeit a stealthy one.

I was the one who wouldn't say anything bad about anyone MOST OF THE TIME. But when someone did something to really piss me off I would let loose the longest most vitriolic stream of consciousness accounting of their failures, flaws, and f-ups you've ever heard. And people LOVED it. Because I rarely did it - I saved it up for "special" occasions - I could command a crowd with my special brand of vitriol, especially men. Yeah, me! (Hopefully the sarcasm is coming through loud and clear!)

Why does it matter?

1) It wasn't necessary for me to have a good time.

2) By putting myself out there as the writer of a spiritual blog I have raised the bar on what is (and should be) expected of me. 

3) Finally, and most importantly: This is not who I want to be.

What do I wish I had done differently?

1) Walked out of the bar?

2) Defended the woman being gossiped about?

3) Listened quietly while judging the others for gossiping?

NONE OF THE ABOVE.

What I wish I had done (and hope to do next time) is listen without judgment so that I could discover the hidden message I was sending to myself.

Because that's what I believe. This came up for me for a reason. For my learning. To be cleaned and cleared. To show me something in myself that still needs work.

What is it about this woman that made me feel I needed to add to the fray?

She is a bit arrogant, a bit impervious, a bit competitive and judgmental. All of these things have gotten her into trouble and led to her being the topic of conversation. But if I am honest with myself the reason I joined in was not because of anything SHE has done to me or anyone else. The reason I joined in was because SHE REMINDS ME OF ME and by damning her I try and save myself.

But, of course, it doesn't work that way. By damning her I have also damned myself and all of those who were there that night. Not permanently or irrevocably, but nonetheless....

What am I doing now?

1) I am living with this quote today and being grateful that it only took me 8 hours to remember that this is not who I want to be.

2) I am practicing Ho'oponopono knowing that further damning myself only further damns her and all those who were there last night as well.

3) I am starting over. From here. Right where I am. And hoping to do it better next time....

"The key to an easy relationship with other people is not to impose your ego, nor crush the ego of others."

Swami Prajnanpad

"Be the change you wish to see in THEM."

Reverend Richard Levy, from a lesson given at Seattle Unity Church, May 2009

"In your fantasies about togetherness, are you unconsciously harboring any unrealistic desires for robotic perfection? If so, are they interfering with your ability to have deep and satisfying relationships with interesting but flawed people?"

Caeriel Crestin's Sign Language in The Seattle Weekly, May 08