Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The Attack of the Ego

"Would you be hostage to the ego or host to God?" 

A couple of weeks ago my supervisor let me know that two days a week I would be “in charge of” the ATM at our branch of the credit union. Being “in charge of” the ATM just means processing the deposits made the previous day. It isn’t a particularly interesting or difficult job, but it is something I haven’t done very often and he wants us to take turns doing it so we are all proficient at it.

Since then I have done the ATM exactly once.

Inevitably by the time I arrive in the morning (I am usually the last one to arrive because I have to drop the kids off at school before I head into work) one of my co-workers is already working on it and is not willing to stop. 

For some reason, this is MAKING ME SO MAD.

I know, I know. It's RIDICULOUS.

There is absolutely NO reason to get upset about this and about a million reasons not to, but my ego has decided to go in the other direction on this one. (I am still trying to figure out WHY....)

All I can come up with are the following (best said in a whiney voice):

"Because I am SUPPOSED to."

"Because our supervisor SAID SO."

"Because it’s MY TURN."

None of these responses make ANY sense, especially once you realize that it is a forty-something adult thinking them. 

But that's the whole point of the ego I guess. It doesn't matter WHAT it attaches to, just THAT it attaches, and in the process drives us to see our fellow human beings as outside of ourselves, as separate, as OTHER. 

A little thing like this is as good a teaching tool as any, maybe even a great one, because with the big things it is easy for us to see how and why and where we are getting worked up, but sometimes the little things can irritate and fester and cause disruptions without us even noticing, just because they are so small. 

So I have decided to LET THIS GO. I did a forgiveness worksheet on it and I am going to watch with amusement as my ego tries to make this into something worth getting worked up about. 

And then I am going to REFUSE.

No comments:

Post a Comment