"The only thing blocking you is worry, and fortunately, the angels will relieve you of this stress if you ask for their help."
--#646 from Angel Numbers 101 by Doreen Virtue
I have been struggling with a decision this week and it has left me feeling blocked. Blocked from writing mostly, but also from making a decision, from moving forward, from living.
I have been too busy worrying, and THINKING, and pondering. And even though I have known I am doing it and have reminded myself to STOP, to breathe, the STAY IN THE MOMENT, it has been difficult.
This despite the fact that I have been getting a lot of guidance and instruction from the Universe.
The above quote for instance came to me as I was walking to my computer to start my post for today. I woke up with the word "blocked" in my head as the best way to describe what has been going on with me this week, but this was not the original post I had intended to write today so I was confused. Go with the original, or switch to blocked?
I walked into the kitchen, fed the cat and picked up my phone. The time was 6:46. I decided to check in with the angels and see what message they had for me: "The only thing BLOCKING you is worry..."
I guess I am writing about being blocked today.
And it has been that way all week - the angels sending me messages just when I needed them.
The thing I have been struggling with is quitting my job.
I love my job, we need the money right now and quitting feels a little bit like taking an unnecessary leap off of a tall building, except: I am not comfortable with my kids' "free" day care situation for the summer and I can't continue to send them there for the next 8 weeks with a clear conscience. It's just not worth the risk of all the things I imagine might happen.
But there's more to it than that. I am also wondering if this isn't the Universe telling me, "It's time to move on." And here's why...
While struggling with this decision I have been looking for signs that will point me in the right direction and all of the signs are pointing straight ahead, into some future opportunity I can't quite see right now.
Last week I checked in with Reverend Sheri Kozdron who has free angel readings on her website angelmessener.net. My reading couldn't have been more clear; the four cards I got were as follows:
Celeste - "A happy move to a new home or place of employment is in the works. This movement will usher in positive new energy."
Serephina - "A happy change or addition is coming to your family."
Ready, Set, Go! - "Now is the perfect moment to dive in and embrace your heart's desire."
Vanessa - "To make your decision, ask yourself, 'Which way brings me closer to my Divine purpose? Which way takes me away from it?'"
As I pondered this last question I had to admit that this job, which I used to feel was a part of my Divine purpose, has felt more and more like "work" lately. I still love it, it is still easy and fits well into our family's life, but my writing is what I really feel is my work in this world right now. It is the thing I have always WANTED to do and, once I started writing about spirituality, has felt like what I am MEANT to do.
Really it's a great position to be in. I am leaving a job I love to focus more on a job I love. What am I so tied up about?
It's fear, of course. Fear of the future, fear of the unknown, fear of the lack of any guarantees from my "new" career. In my present job I know my hours, I know basically what is expected of me (and I know that I can handle that), I know when I will be paid and how much, and what my benefits are.
With this new job there are many unknowns and no guarantees. And that, frankly, scares the s**t out of me. This fear is making me feel a little bit paralyzed, a little bit stymied, a little bit blocked this week.
At least until now. This post seems to have flowed pretty easily so maybe I have turned a corner. The answer, as always, is right there when I need it.
This morning I needed to write and the first sentences of this post were sent to me in my dreams, along with the quote I needed to go with it.
As I walked to work on that fateful day when I was to give my notice (7/11/11) I checked Angel Numbers 101 to see what message the angels had for me. At the top of the page, right before #711 was this sentence fragment from the previous entry, "the right direction."
I guess that's pretty clear.
And I guess I have to admit that what's blocking me is ME. So here's what I am going to do: I am going to get out of my own way and let the Universe lead me. I am going to walk my talk because it's what I would tell a friend to do (it's what I would tell YOU to do) and because it's what I believe to be the truth.
I am being given the opportunity to put my money where my mouth is and I am taking it, baby, all the way to the bank!