Redefining Success

"Many think success means getting everything I want. And we say, that's what dead is, and there is no such thing as that kind of dead. Success is not being done; not being complete. Success is still dreaming and feeling positive in the unfolding." --Abraham-Hicks

"Success is not being done; not being complete." As I read this again I feel as if I could choke. This is one of my most constant and long-lasting struggles, both in life and on my spiritual journey. 

I love the feeling of being "done." Having all the bills paid, the whole house clean, everything on my "To Do" list DONE. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, even for just a moment, it feels so satisfying. 

That is why this quote throws me for such a loop and probably why life does as well. I am never really done of course. Done done. Completely done. And I know I never will be, but it is something I really, really WANT. 

Someday I just want to be able to sit down on the couch, look around and realize that there is nothing to do. Nothing to tidy. Nothing to clean. Nothing to paint or touch up or put away. It is all done. I am done. DONE. 

But then, according to this quote, I'd be dead. 

So I guess I just have to get used to this feeling of never being done. 

The Universe seems to be pointing me in that direction. It seems to be saying: Now is the time to get over this, to let go of this idea of being done and to accept the "undoneness" of life. 

So I am going to try. I am going to let a half-clean house be enough. I am going to let undone laundry go. I am going to try and accept that there will always be (at least) one more thing on my "To Do" list and try to see this as success.

Working on It...

"If you want your children to succeed, show them how to fail. If you want them to be happy, show them how to be sad.        If you want them to be healthy, show them how to be sick.      If you want them to have much, show them how to enjoy little." 

--William Martin from The Parents Tao Te Ching

The Tao of Parenting

"If you always compare your children's abilities 

to those of great athletes, entertainers, and celebrities,

they will lose their power.

If you urge them to acquire and achieve, 

they will learn to cheat and steal

to meet your expectations.

Encourage your children's deepest joys, 

not their superficial desires.

Praise their patience, 

not their ambition.

Do not value the distractions and diversions

that masquerade as success.

They will learn to hear their own voice

instead of the noise of the crowd.

If you teach them to achieve

they will never be content.

If you teach them contentment, 

they will naturally achieve everything.

It may be interesting to ask,

"What limitations have I, unthinking,

taken upon myself?"

It is very difficult for your child's horizons

to be greater than your own. 

Do something today that pushes

against your own preconceptions.

Then take your child's hand

and gently encourage her to do the same."

--William Martin from The Parent's Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for Modern Parents 

I don't want to say too much about this one. I just want to let it sit with you and resonate throughout your life as it has mine. I feel like it explains so much and points the way forward for me as a parent. 

It explains for me why I have struggled all of my life with limiting thought patterns. I was raised by a safe people. Risk-taking and putting yourself out there was not encouraged and I clung to this safety with all I had. How much of the wonder and joy of life has this need to be safe hindered me from experiencing? If the sinking feeling in my stomach is any indication, a lot. I don't want to pass that on to my children. I want them to know wonder and joy every day of their lives. 

It explains for me the kid we know who is widely considered to be the smartest kid in his class - if not the whole school - who consistently lies, cheats and runs other kids down. I have struggled mightily with this child. I do not want to condemn or ostracize from our family any child in our social circle, but his behavior has hurt my son at times so deeply that it has been hard to find my compassion. Now that I know "why" I am finding it a little bit easier. The pressure and failure he already feels must be overwhelming. I don't want to put that on my children in hopes that they will get into a "good" college. 

It explains why I always feel most content when I am in gratitude, recognizing that all I have is already enough and that I need nothing but "right now" to be happy and fulfilled. Contentment is a gift of immeasurable value. I just hope it's not too late. I hope I haven't already taught too many of the wrong things, emphasized the wrong things, pointed them in the wrong direction - the direction that our society says is the path to success.

There is a well-known question in the self-improvement field right now, "Would you rather be happy or right?" This quote brought a new question to mind: "Would you rather be successful or content?"

I think I would choose contentment every day of the week, for myself and for my children. At the very least I hope to make it possible for them to choose it for themselves.