"If you say, 'No' to this do you know how many other things you are saying 'No' to?" --Philip McClusky, quoting a friend in his video, "Overcoming the Poverty Mentality"
On Saturday morning I went for a swim as I usually do except that I forgot to grab a banana on my way out the door. Doh!
I knew I would be hungry after my swim, but I was running late so I took off, thinking I could just grab a smoothie after my swim.
In the locker room I ran into my neighbor who also swims on Saturday mornings. We went in, did our workout and finished up at almost exactly the same time.
As we rinsed off and got dressed, we chatted, and she said, "I am always so hungry afterwards. Sometimes I feel like I might pass out."
I said, "Me too. I usually eat a banana before swimming, but I forgot this morning so I am starving."
She then pulled a banana from her bag, peeled it, and offered me a piece.
Which I, of course, refused.
And which, of course, puzzled her. I could see it in her look, "Why would she refuse to take a piece of my banana when she just said she wished she had a banana?"
Why? Because it's what I do. It's one of my things. An "area of growth" you might call it. I almost always say 'No' when someone offers me something I want.
I need to repeat that so even I can hear how crazy it sounds: "I almost always say, 'No,' when someone offers me something I want."
So, yes, I know how crazy it sounds, but I didn't really know until I listened to this video called "Overcoming the Poverty Mentality," on New Earth Daily.
As I listened, I recognized far more of myself than I would like to admit, especially the part about being open to receiving. I am not open to receiving for the most part. Not gifts, not money, not complements, not even a piece of a banana.
As I thought about this - and meditated on this quote from the video - my throat tightened, my chest felt heavy and I felt sad.
And I knew without a doubt that I have some work to do in this area. To open myself to receiving and to accept the gifts the Universe sends to me through others with grace and with gratitude. To take the banana.
Because if I'm saying 'No,' to the banana I am sure there are countless other things I am also saying 'No' to that I am not even aware of.
[BTW, Dear Soul Sisters was recently featured on this same website, New Earth Daily. Click here to see our first dose of Daily Inspiration!]
"Yes without No is appeasement, whereas No without Yes is war. Yes without No destroys one’s own satisfaction, whereas No without Yes destroys one’s relationship with others. We need both Yes and No together. For Yes is the key word of community, No the key word of individuality. Yes is the key word of connection, No the key word of protection. Yes is the key word of peace, No the key word of justice. The great art is to learn to integrate the two—to marry Yes and No. That is the secret to standing up for yourself and what you need without destroying valuable agreements and precious relationships.” --Willam Ury, from "The Power of a Positive No" by Ian Lawton
I got up this morning and went for a swim. At 5:45. AM! I haven't exercised at that time of the day since I was training to run a marathon.
The thing is, I meant to. I planned for it. I had my swim bag all packed, I was wearing my exercise clothes to sleep in, I had the $4.75 in exact change all ready to go...But I wasn't ever really sure I was going to do it until I actually did it. And even then I wasn't sure.
As I got up and got ready I was full of what they call in the self-help industry "negative self talk:" It's going to be cold outside....I'm going to have to scrape the windshield....It's probably going to be cold in the pool too....I'll bet my head will freeze...
But things just kept going my way - for some reason I didn't feel that cold this morning, the windshield wasn't that icy, and I was able to find my winter hat right away - and I actually went swimming!
And the thing is....It was AWESOME. I loved it. I had the best time and I felt great afterward. It brought back all sorts of memories of being on my high school swim team and how it felt to swim and swim and swim and just kind of lose yourself in the water.
As I drove home I realized how often I say NO to myself when I want to say YES. Or when I don't know what I want to say. If I am not sure about something, or haven't done something before, or am not sure what something will be like, I say NO. And then I think about it. And maybe I change the NO to a maybe, and eventually to a YES. But YES is never (well, rarely) my first response.
Which made me wonder? Why not?
And I think it goes back to this quote. I grew up in a mid-western community where the right to say NO (to protect your individuality) was suspect and not affirmed as a natural human right. So I grew up saying YES a lot when I wanted to say NO.
When I got to be an adult, I claimed my right to say NO, even when sometimes I wanted to say YES. My YESES and NOS are all sort of mixed up and confused and I am not even sure WHAT I want to say some of the time. YES? NO? YES/NO? MAYBE?
It is something I am learning as I grow, something I am experimenting with right now as I both claim my right to say NO and allow myself to say YES. As I learn to marry YES and NO within myself.
"A loving experience is one in which you approach the object with a positive attitude, think positively about it, and act openly toward it. You can mix love into any experience by mixing some 'yes' into how you interpret it."
--Frank Andrews, PhD from his book The Art and Practice of Loving
Naturally speaking, I am a naysayer. My first instinct in practically any situation, is to say, "No," and to go into three or four reasons why the idea in question will never work.
As I travel along my spiritual path, however, I am beginning to see that what is called for is to be a yeasayer. Saying "Yes," is much more likely to move one along the path towards enlightenment than saying "No."
I kind of had an inkling that this was true, but when I read this quote I knew Frank Andrews had put into words something that had only been rattling around in my brain, but hadn't quite made it to the conscious thought stage yet.
Loving - a person, an experience, life itself - comes from saying Yes! to it all. The good, the bad, the ugly, the uncomfortable, the painful and the blissful.
One week from today, I will be putting this theory to the test. My husband and I (hereafter known as Mr Z) will be heading out to Burning Man for a few days.
As complete and utter newbies, we have been told to bring water, bikes, sunscreen, goggles, and lots and lots of plastic bags. We are both excited and trepidatious, but for better or worse, we are saying Yes! And I am going to try my damnedest to make it a loving experience.
