The Tao of Parenting

"If you always compare your children's abilities 

to those of great athletes, entertainers, and celebrities,

they will lose their power.

If you urge them to acquire and achieve, 

they will learn to cheat and steal

to meet your expectations.

Encourage your children's deepest joys, 

not their superficial desires.

Praise their patience, 

not their ambition.

Do not value the distractions and diversions

that masquerade as success.

They will learn to hear their own voice

instead of the noise of the crowd.

If you teach them to achieve

they will never be content.

If you teach them contentment, 

they will naturally achieve everything.

It may be interesting to ask,

"What limitations have I, unthinking,

taken upon myself?"

It is very difficult for your child's horizons

to be greater than your own. 

Do something today that pushes

against your own preconceptions.

Then take your child's hand

and gently encourage her to do the same."

--William Martin from The Parent's Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for Modern Parents 

I don't want to say too much about this one. I just want to let it sit with you and resonate throughout your life as it has mine. I feel like it explains so much and points the way forward for me as a parent. 

It explains for me why I have struggled all of my life with limiting thought patterns. I was raised by a safe people. Risk-taking and putting yourself out there was not encouraged and I clung to this safety with all I had. How much of the wonder and joy of life has this need to be safe hindered me from experiencing? If the sinking feeling in my stomach is any indication, a lot. I don't want to pass that on to my children. I want them to know wonder and joy every day of their lives. 

It explains for me the kid we know who is widely considered to be the smartest kid in his class - if not the whole school - who consistently lies, cheats and runs other kids down. I have struggled mightily with this child. I do not want to condemn or ostracize from our family any child in our social circle, but his behavior has hurt my son at times so deeply that it has been hard to find my compassion. Now that I know "why" I am finding it a little bit easier. The pressure and failure he already feels must be overwhelming. I don't want to put that on my children in hopes that they will get into a "good" college. 

It explains why I always feel most content when I am in gratitude, recognizing that all I have is already enough and that I need nothing but "right now" to be happy and fulfilled. Contentment is a gift of immeasurable value. I just hope it's not too late. I hope I haven't already taught too many of the wrong things, emphasized the wrong things, pointed them in the wrong direction - the direction that our society says is the path to success.

There is a well-known question in the self-improvement field right now, "Would you rather be happy or right?" This quote brought a new question to mind: "Would you rather be successful or content?"

I think I would choose contentment every day of the week, for myself and for my children. At the very least I hope to make it possible for them to choose it for themselves.

BLOCKED

"The only thing blocking you is worry, and fortunately, the angels will relieve you of this stress if you ask for their help." 

--#646 from Angel Numbers 101 by Doreen Virtue 

I have been struggling with a decision this week and it has left me feeling blocked. Blocked from writing mostly, but also from making a decision, from moving forward, from living. 

I have been too busy worrying, and THINKING, and pondering. And even though I have known I am doing it and have reminded myself to STOP, to breathe, the STAY IN THE MOMENT, it has been difficult. 

This despite the fact that I have been getting a lot of guidance and instruction from the Universe. 

The above quote for instance came to me as I was walking to my computer to start my post for today. I woke up with the word "blocked" in my head as the best way to describe what has been going on with me this week, but this was not the original post I had intended to write today so I was confused. Go with the original, or switch to blocked?

I walked into the kitchen, fed the cat and picked up my phone. The time was 6:46. I decided to check in with the angels and see what message they had for me: "The only thing BLOCKING you is worry..."

I guess I am writing about being blocked today. 

And it has been that way all week - the angels sending me messages just when I needed them. 

The thing I have been struggling with is quitting my job. 

I love my job, we need the money right now and quitting feels a little bit like taking an unnecessary leap off of a tall building, except: I am not comfortable with my kids' "free" day care situation for the summer and I can't continue to send them there for the next 8 weeks with a clear conscience. It's just not worth the risk of all the things I imagine might happen. 

But there's more to it than that. I am also wondering if this isn't the Universe telling me, "It's time to move on." And here's why...

While struggling with this decision I have been looking for signs that will point me in the right direction and all of the signs are pointing straight ahead, into some future opportunity I can't quite see right now. 

Last week I checked in with Reverend Sheri Kozdron who has free angel readings on her website angelmessener.net. My reading couldn't have been more clear; the four cards I got were as follows:

Celeste - "A happy move to a new home or place of employment is in the works. This movement will usher in positive new energy."

Serephina - "A happy change or addition is coming to your family."

Ready, Set, Go! - "Now is the perfect moment to dive in and embrace your heart's desire."

Vanessa - "To make your decision, ask yourself, 'Which way brings me closer to my Divine purpose? Which way takes me away from it?'"

As I pondered this last question I had to admit that this job, which I used to feel was a part of my Divine purpose, has felt more and more like "work" lately. I still love it, it is still easy and fits well into our family's life, but my writing is what I really feel is my work in this world right now. It is the thing I have always WANTED to do and, once I started writing about spirituality, has felt like what I am MEANT to do. 

Really it's a great position to be in. I am leaving a job I love to focus more on a job I love. What am I so tied up about? 

It's fear, of course. Fear of the future, fear of the unknown, fear of the lack of any guarantees from my "new" career. In my present job I know my hours, I know basically what is expected of me (and I know that I can handle that), I know when I will be paid and how much, and what my benefits are. 

With this new job there are many unknowns and no guarantees. And that, frankly, scares the s**t out of me. This fear is making me feel a little bit paralyzed, a little bit stymied, a little bit blocked this week. 

At least until now. This post seems to have flowed pretty easily so maybe I have turned a corner. The answer, as always, is right there when I need it.

This morning I needed to write and the first sentences of this post were sent to me in my dreams, along with the quote I needed to go with it. 

As I walked to work on that fateful day when I was to give my notice (7/11/11) I checked Angel Numbers 101 to see what message the angels had for me. At the top of the page, right before #711 was this sentence fragment from the previous entry, "the right direction."

I guess that's pretty clear. 

And I guess I have to admit that what's blocking me is ME. So here's what I am going to do: I am going to get out of my own way and let the Universe lead me. I am going to walk my talk because it's what I would tell a friend to do (it's what I would tell YOU to do) and because it's what I believe to be the truth. 

I am being given the opportunity to put my money where my mouth is and I am taking it, baby, all the way to the bank!

Remain Aware

"Remain aware of the wonders around you."

--Caryl Sherpa, author of I taste fire, earth, rain: elements of a life with a Sherpa

My life has been so full of juicy, memorable quotes as of late that I am having trouble choosing one for today. There are so many things I want to write about, talk about, blog about, think about, that I just can't decide where to begin.

I got this quote at a book release party that I went to with my mom kind of on a whim. We wanted to do something to celebrate Mother's Day together and there were three or four interesting events happening on the evening that we chose. This one fit our time frame the best, so we went, even though we knew nothing about the author or the book.

It was an enchanted evening from start to finish.

As we arrived, we were greeted by her husband (the sherpa in the title of the book) who handed us a cup of Nepali chai. Not usually one for chai, I hesitated before taking a sip. Then, "Ah-h-h-h-h...."

The chai was hot, sweet, creamy and absolutely delicious. I drank the whole cup, savoring every sip and was disappointed to find that it was gone when I went back later that evening for more.

Next there was dancing, by some of her Nepali friends. It was not polished or professional, but it was real and sweet like the chai.

Soon after, the reading started and Caryl told us her story of travelling to distant lands in search of she didn't know quite what and finding it in a faraway place and in the soul of a man she could not have expected.

After the reading she brought up everyone who had helped her get the book published and thanked them with a prayer shawl and a gift. It was a shower of gratitude and the splatters of appreciation rained down on all of us.

She ended the evening with this quote, asking each of us to remain aware of the wonders around us. To never forget that life is full of beauty.

Soon thereafter I joined the river of stones and I have found this to be an exciting and profound experience of remaining aware. I can't wait each day to see what stone will ding the windshield of my life and I am always delighted when it hits me.

I hope you will remain aware of the wonders around YOU this week!

Holding the Light

"...[T]here is no greater gift to give another than to hold for them a vision of their highest potential." 

--Kimberlee Gorgo 

The other day at yoga I was in the shower after class when I heard one woman say to another, "I can't believe you quit so early on."

At first I was horrified. How could someone say this to another person? Someone she came to yoga with? HER FRIEND presumably? 

Then I remembered, wait: I have BEEN that friend. 

Not directly maybe (I have never been that gutsy), but subtly, quietly, discreetly. I have made side comments and off the cuff remarks that have injured others and diminished their accomplishments or pointed out their weaknesses (sharing a poem I wrote in college about how I don't drink diet soda with an overweight friend holding a Diet Coke, regaling a fellow parent flush with the high of her first half-marathon with tales of my FULL marathon, I could go on....). I have begrudged another her success instead of celebrating it with her more often than I would care to admit. And I have kicked someone when they were down by pointing it out and commenting on it. 

I realized then that I had far more to gain from seeing this comment as a reminder from The Universe FOR ME rather than as an opportunity to judge another.

Later that week I was given the opportunity to test my new-found revelation: at a playdate with my son the mom was talking about her new business, this great opportunity she had to create the job she has always wanted. It would include travel and writing and opportunities for big bucks in the future. 

I found myself coming up with reasons it would never work: she doesn't have time for that, does she even know what she is talking about? She hasn't done this before how can this possibly work? 

And then I remembered to hold the light for her as I would want her to hold it for me. And I did.   

Who can you hold the light for this week? 


[Don't forget to check out my new venture with my sister, spiritual advice from The Soul Sisters. Also, today is day eight of a river of stones. You can read mine at: pebbles: another word for small stones. ]

Live Happy

"Make yourself so happy that when others look at you they become happy too. "  

--Unknown, from a YogiTea tea bag

I just found a great website called Tiny Buddha. It's tagline is "simple wisdom for complex lives" and it is chock full of short articles on how to make your life just a little bit better.

One of my favorites so far is 10 Simple Tips to Live Happy Wild and Free. 

Some of the tips are great: "Talk less and when you do talk, have a noble conversation." I'm gonna try that! "Turn off the TV." Yes! 

Others are not for me: "Take a cold shower." NO. THANK. YOU.

But it got me thinking about how to live happy, wild and free and that's what I love about this site - it got me thinking....

Not every suggestion or every article is going to resonate, but in every one there may be a nugget of gold that you can take and incorporate into your own "10 Ways to Live Happy Wild and Free" list. 

Here are some of mine:

1) Get at least 8 hours of sleep - preferably starting before 10:00 pm - I just do better, look better, feel better and love better when I am well rested. For some reason sleep that starts before 10:00 pm is deeper, dreamier and more delicious than sleep that starts after that.

2) Forgo Alcohol - I am in the midst of another "year without alcohol" experiment and once again I am finding that I LOVE it. I am just happier, healthier and more grounded when I am not drinking. Alcohol lowers my vibration and gets in the way of my ability to be present and patient for my family. 

3) Eat mostly raw - A smoothie for breakfast, a salad for lunch and a small nutritious dinner with "raw bar" snacks in between feed my body the best. Anything else feels heavy and weighs me down. 

4) Exercise regularly - I realized a few years ago that I sleep better, and thus feel better, when I am getting plenty of exercise. Running has always been my exercise of choice, but as I have grown older, I have realized that I need to expand my repertoire to include exercises for flexibility and strength. (The yoga - for flexibility - I LOVE. The push ups and dips for strength I LOATHE, but I do them anyway. Well, most of the time....)

5) Meditate - I would be nowhere without my daily meditation practice. It waxes and wanes as far as time spent and seriousness (sometimes I focus on my breathing for a few minutes before drifting off to sleep at night; other times I get up at the crack of dawn and sit for a full hour doing nothing - THESE are the days!), but I do something almost every day. (One of my staples is a grounding and cleansing meditation called the Violet Flame. If you are interested in learning more about this meditation, get in touch with me and I will send you the version of the Violet Flame that I use.)

It's not a comprehensive list, but I would say these are my "top 5." I hope you find at least one that you can add to your list.  I'd love to know - What are YOURS?

FREEDOM!

"...[A]s we offer freedom, it is given us." 

--A Course in Miracles, Lesson 332

May you offer - and receive - the gift of FREEDOM today!

Small Stones

"Don't wait for the rain to stop. Climb out of your tent with your mind engaged and your senses ablaze and let the rain pour into you." 

--Kathleen Dean Moore 

Happy 1st of July! Today is what I think of as the "official" first day of summer. June is just tying up loose ends, but July is when SUMMER truly begins!

To kick it off - and hopefully make it last - I have joined an online community writing project called River of Stones. 

Facilitated by a groovy Buddhist writer chick and her husband, this project is designed to get you noticing what is going on in your world AND writing about it. 

A "small stone" is "a very short piece of writing that precisely captures a fully-engaged moment." So to write one you not only have to be writing, you have to be "fully engaging" with life. What a wonderful concept! 

If you would like more information, or would like to join the river click on the badge below to learn more. 

 

Here is a link to my "small stones" blog and my first attempt: 

http://pebblesaresmallstones.blogspot.com/