Open Your Eyes!

"Love lives in everything -

Little or big.

Open your eyes."

--Unknown, from the guest book in the ladies' room at Thrive Cafe

Every time I go to Thrive I make sure to include a trip to the ladies' room to read their guest book. I always find something worthwhile written there. 

On my most recent visit, it included this little gem of a reminder. I feel like it's like a love poem from The Universe to all of us. 

And I believe it has worked on me in the days since I read it. 

A couple of weeks ago I was walking home from dropping the kids off at school, texting and emailing as I went, when I suddenly looked up and saw the beauty all around me - the pure blue sky, the dark green foliage, the fresh clean air - and I realized I was missing all of it. 

I couldn't remember the last time I had made that walk without my head in my iPhone and that struck me as a little bit sad.

So I decided to try and "just walk" for the rest of the year, whenever I was walking. 

I did well for about a week and then the pull of old habits sucked me back in, so far that I didn't even realize it until I sat down to write today, found this quote, and remembered that I was supposed to be opening my eyes. 

So today I recommit myself to that and ask you to join me. What beauty - what love - in your life are you missing? Open your eyes to it!

Speaking Diamonds

"As a girl, I would imagine myself in this world, and I'd wonder: Did I speak diamonds or snakes?....I am no longer scared of the girls, the ones with diamonds or [snakes]. The secret is, both of those girls could be me. I choose diamonds."

--Hannah Pine in her essay from The Bitch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth About Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood, and Marriage

In the essay she contributed to this collection, Hannah Pine tells of a fairy tale she read when she was a girl about two sisters: one who spoke snakes and toads, one who spoke diamonds and pearls.

Growing up she was afraid of these girls because she thought she knew which one she was and nothing good came to the girl who spoke snakes.

As she became an adult she realized that she had a choice, to become the girl she wanted to be, and she chose to become the girl who spoke diamonds. As that girl she says, she lives by kindness and by her brain. That is, she tries to think kindly.

I thought about this quote yesterday without remembering where I had heard it (thank goodness for Google!) because I caught myself speaking snakes again and wondering why.

Even after eight years of practice, I still find myself saying things - and, oh yes, thinking things - that are unkind, unnecessary, sometimes even untrue. And I am always surprised at myself, even as they come out of my mouth, thinking, "Aren't I past this yet?"

How long, I wonder, does it take to break the habit of speaking snakes?

Maybe as long as it took to get into the habit? 

The first time I can remember "speaking snakes" was in third grade. I lied to my best friend. I told her that I would choose her to help me pass out the snack and then I chose JD, the boy I had a crush on, telling her that the teacher had said I should choose a boy. 

It felt bad to lie, but exhilarating to choose him, and thus began a long series of lies designed to get what I wanted without having to speak it directly.  (If that isn't speaking snakes, I don't know what is....)

I think of these snakes as the small garden variety that almost slip out of your mouth. What about the huge pythons that slither and writhe as they come out? 

The, "Can you believe he.....You'll never guess what she.....What a....!" that peppered my talk throughout high school and college and beyond - way beyond. 

The kind of snakes that I still find sometimes spring forth from my lips when I least expect it. 

And then, there I am again, stuck trying to shove a writhing, six-foot, poisonous snake back into my mouth. It usually doesn't work. 

I guess the only thing to do is to kill those snakes. Slowly, over time, with practice. With kind thoughts, with kind words, with lots and lots of diamonds and pearls.

'Tis the Season

"That which supports life is supported by life...giving and receiving are one and the same."

--David R. Hawkins, MD, PhD, Power vs. Force: The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior

"Giving and receiving are one and the same." It makes sense when you say it, but not always when you live it.

What about when there is one cereal bowl full of milk left and two kids who need breakfast? Or one laptop and two parents who want to veg out in front of it? How do we give when giving feels like someone losing out?

Another of my favorite quotes about generosity is from Kahlil Gibran. He said, "Generosity is not giving me that which I need more than you do, but it is giving me that which you need more than I do."

Ever since I read this quote, I have been trying to think of a time when I have committed a truly generous act. And while there may have been a few parenting moments that qualify (who can really say for sure if a five-year-old needs a drink of water more than the parent of a five-year-old needs to sleep through the night?) mostly I have to admit that I have not. 

Someday I will.

Until then, here is a story about generosity to kick off the holiday madness (you have to read most of the article to get to the good part). I am not sure it qualifies under the above definition, but it's a great place to start.

Happy Holidays!

http://www.nexttopcreditunionexec.com/blog/tina-hall-from-verity-credit-union-wins-title-in-cues-next-t.html

Happy Thanksgiving!

"Save some time to be lazy, it's good for you."

--Stuff No One Told Me ( but I learned anyway ): 58 by Alex Noriega

3BT (Three Beautiful Things)

"Offer to those you love 3 simple moments everyday: AWARENESS-notice the beauty of each moment; WONDERMENT-let the beauty touch your heart; GRATITUDE-give thanks to God for the beauty you see."

--Father Daniel Syverstad

I stumbled upon this blog the other day called Three Beautiful Things. Every day Clare (the genius behind this blog) records three beautiful things that happened to her or that she saw the previous day. She has been doing this since May of 2004!


Can I tell you? I LOVE this!


And I want to be a part of it.


So here goes...Three Beautiful Things from a recent day in my life:


1) My son's face as he falls asleep: eyelids at half mast, mouth wide open with one big tooth hanging down in a vast empty space, lightly snoring.


2) Blue skies over Seattle when rain was predicted.


3) A just-ripe avocado with flesh like butter, peeled and eaten, slice after delicious slice.


What are yours?

Dark Days

"Our bodies live off of LIGHT. Now (winter) is not the time to take on big projects. Now is the time to let things die."

--Dr Mark Dunn

I have a confession to make.  I have always hated this time of year.

It is dark. It is cold. The holidays are coming.....

Another confession. I hate the holidays. Or at least I did.....

For me, this time of year is very uncomfortable. The darkness makes time, always a precious commodity in my life these days, even scarcer. The weather means I am always cold and I hate being cold. And the holidays....the holidays mean pressure and stress and spending too much money and way too much time trying really hard to make everyone happy while seemingly making no one happy.....

No wonder everyone is depressed.

Are you noticing this too?

Nearly everyone I know is feeling down or sick or depressed. Things are coming up big for people around me right now and many are feeling overwhelmed.

And I am beginning to wonder if that isn't as it should be. As nature intended.

As this quote says, "...now is the time to die." All around us nature is dormant, sleeping, dying, waiting for spring to come when it will once again "spring" to life.

Perhaps it is the same for us humans. Perhaps we are meant to die, along with the flowers and the leaves and the mosquitoes, to that which no longer serves us.

Every year we start fresh with new resolutions, new plans, a clean slate. We acknowledge this and celebrate it with lists and diets and champagne and fireworks. But what about the death that, according to all the laws of nature, must precede this new life?

Do we acknowledge it at all or are we too busy shopping and baking and stressing to fully experience it? Maybe that is why so many people find themselves feeling sad and depressed at this time of year. A part of them, a part of their life, is dying and there is no room, no ritual, to acknowledge and to celebrate this death.

For me this always manifests itself in my body's desire to be lazy, to gain weight, to sleep in, and to do basically nothing. All of my good habits seem to go by the wayside this time of year: I have stopped doing my morning yoga, I am running much less than I did this summer (and more often than not inside on my treadmill), and I feel like I could eat my body weight in carbs and not be satisfied.

I also feel an underlying sadness that I cannot quite understand. While all around me it feels like everyone is excited and happy and looking forward to the holidays I am full of sadness and dread. 

But as I talk to people I realize that I am not the only one and that perhaps we are all looking at each other through red and green colored glasses, but not really seeing each other.

We are all dying. To who we used to be, to who we thought we'd become in 2010, to the things that no longer serve who we will be in 2011.

So let's take some time this pre-holiday season to mourn and to grieve for what we are leaving behind before we start to plan and anticipate what will come next.

Here's what I am letting go of as 2010 comes to a close:

1) Shifting relationships. Our relationships with others (and with ourselves for that matter) are always shifting and changing; sometimes this is difficult to accept. I need to let go of the relationship that I would like to have with the people in my life, so as to have the relationship that is meant to be.

2) My ideas about what I "should" be doing. I am going to try and stay in the moment with myself and do what feels right in that moment, regardless of what I have "planned" to do or "would like" to get done.

3) Other people's opinions about my life. Whether stated or implied or presumed (by me!).

4) My tendency to "escape" into books, TV, even my own thoughts, when I get overwhelmed. I am going to try and stay with my feelings as they arise, not replace them with manufactured feelings from someone else or my own crazy mind.

5) The idea that the holidays are going to be "perfect" or that anyone in my family or my life is going to act or behave in a certain way that will make it more enjoyable for me. Everyone is going to show up with their "crap" and it is my job as their friend, co-worker, or family member to lovingly accept them for who they are in that moment (without, of course, letting them impose that on me in a way that is unfair or slimy).

That's a start. What are you letting go of this winter? And how do you feel about it?

(NB. This quote is a repeat from last year - 12/30/09. My plan was never to repeat a quote on this blog, however, this quote just seemed to nail what is going on for a lot of people I know right now so I am making an exception. It may not be the last time. There are a lot of great quotes that I did not comment on the first time that I used them so I may be doing this again. Soon. Stay tuned....) 

 

The Wisdom of BOTH

"Do not cling to anything, to any idea; because clinging is the bondage, even to the idea of enlightenment."

--Osho

"To gain enlightenment, you must want it as much as a man whose head is held under water wants air."

--Zen saying

Whenever I give my husband a choice between two things his answer is always the same: BOTH. 

It used to drive me CRAZY because I was raised in a world where you can't have BOTH. You can have one or the other, but not both. In his world BOTH is always an option and it is always the one he chooses. 

These quotes came, less than two weeks apart, from my Wisdom of the East Mini Day-to-Day Calendar. I had to laugh when I read the second one, because I remembered liking the first one and posting it on my fridge. 

I quickly found it and posted them together, held up by the same magnet, side by side. 

Every couple of days I would read them, laugh, and then put them back together where they belong.

Some days I know it is my desire for enlightenment that gets in my way.  I am trying too hard and by trying, missing the point.

Other days what holds me back is that I do not want it nearly enough. Because achieving enlightenment would mean giving up things that my ego values like pride, jealousy, gossip, righteousness and anger.

On the days when I pause and ask myself to decide - really - which of these quotes I believe to be TRUE the answer I get is always the same: BOTH 

Or as the Buddha said, "I gained nothing at all from supreme enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called supreme enlightenment."