The Beauty of Not Knowing

"If you ask a Protestant from the American Midwest to commit to a dinner date next week, that Protestant, believing that she is the captain of her own destiny will say, 'Thursday night works fine for me.' But if you ask a Catholic from Calabria to make the same commitment, he will only shrug, turn his eyes to God, and ask, 'How can any of us know whether we will be free for dinner next Thursday night, given that everything is in God's hands and none of us can know our fate?'"

--From Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert

More and more these days when I ask my higher self a question about what I should do, the answer I receive is, "I don't know."

At first I found this very frustrating. I have usually known exactly what I wanted (or didn't want) throughout my life and the times when I didn't - the times when the only clear answer was, "I don't know" - were the times when I was suffering from extreme anxiety or having a panic attack.

But as I grow older the "I don't know," becomes less panicky and more matter-of-fact. Sometimes you just don't know.

In fact, as this quote would suggest, often - perhaps even ALWAYS - we just don't know what's going to happen next or the best course of action to take.

As I contemplate this, I am trying to get more comfortable with it, embrace it even, and as I do I start to see the beauty of it. The absolute beauty of I DON'T KNOW.

There is a kind of giddy excitement that comes with not knowing, not planning every moment of my life. Just letting life come, as it will, without orchestrating every moment.

In Buddhism they call it The Middle Way. Not pushing, not resisting, just ALLOWING.

The Middle Way is like balancing on the sharp edge of a knife: it's tricky, sometimes painful, but ultimately exciting. The extreme sport of life. 


And I say - BRING IT!